There are quite a few things and people that you can fall victim to. Just SOME examples are:
- online bullies - whether on Facebook, Twitter, or other social site, whether on a gaming site, a forum, a chat room, through text or instant message, etc., people seem to get more mouthy when they don't have to say something straight to your face. So, be careful what you "say" on the internet and try not to let what someone else "says" to you affect you too much. Remember, you have control of whether or not you "friend" someone on Facebook, follow someone's Twitter feed, allow someone to "see" you in a chat room or on instant message, or whether or not you even go into a chat room or other social site. Online bullying can be just as hurtful, or even more so, that bullying in person, so be careful who you allow into your little personal social media bubble.
- online peer pressures - This can be similar to online bullying, but it can be very different, as well. You may be feeling pressured to attend a certain event you've been invited to but aren't sure is in a good environment for you to be in. You may feel pressured by pictures you see or people who are trying to get you to accept their friend requests or to chat with them or let them view your information. You may feel pressure to join a certain Facebook (or other site) group that you aren't sure you want to be a part of. Whatever the situation, involve your parents or another trusted adult if you aren't sure something is safe or legal or is just not a very good idea. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you just don't feel comfortable doing. It's better to endure a little peer pressure and stand up for what you feel is right than to go through with something you're not comfortable with and end up regretting it. Remember, there are ALWAYS consequences for your actions, whether they are immediate or sometime in the future, our actions always catch up with us in the end.
- your own circumstances - What do I mean by don't be a victim of your own circumstances? Well, that just depends on what your individual circumstances are. Maybe you come from a family that is in a low socioeconomic category. Maybe you are in an abusive home or an abusive relationship. Maybe you have a really volatile or just poor relationship with your parents or siblings or peers. Maybe you are lonely or depressed. Maybe you have health or weight problems. Maybe you've just broken up with a boyfriend or girlfriend....the list could go on and on and on. The possibilities for what circumstances you find yourself in really are endless. Whatever your circumstances are, you can choose whether or not to be a victim of those circumstances. You can choose to be positive about them or to feel helpless and give up. You can choose whether or not to stay strong or to have no hope. You can choose to find help or to face challenges alone. You can choose any number of responses to your situation. I understand that some situations are MUCH more complicated than others. You may have legitimate reasons to fear for your life or your safety or the safety of others if you involve other people in your circumstances. You may not want to embarrass others who are involved in your situation. Whatever the case, I would encourage you to at least find one person that you can trust to talk to about your issues, and I would further encourage you to find someone who either has some experience dealing with similar issues, someone who has been professionally trained to help you and will keep your situation confidential, and/or someone who you know to be very mature and thoughtful - someone who isn't going to freak out and make things worse for you. Whatever you do, try to stay positive. Look to examples of other people who have overcome similar circumstances to your own. Learn about those people and what helped them rise above rather than give up. Reach out for help. Go to my page entitled "Help!" for some further ideas about specific places and people you can go to for help.
- online predators - You may not think you need any advice about this. I mean, you've heard it all before, right? You've heard all the do's and don'ts about online predators. You're not going to allow some old dude to befriend you on Facebook or in a chat room and then go meet up with them, right? Well, that's not all there is to it, and even though school's spend time and resources to educate kids about online safety, many kids every year are victims of online predators. The BEST way to avoid online predators is to NEVER become friends with or share ANY personal information (what city, neighborhood, or street you live in, what school you go to, the names of your parents or friends or siblings, any landmarks near your home, your birthday or age, etc) with someone you don't know online. Don't be too specific about you personal information on social websites like Facebook and make sure you have the maximum security settings on any social media site. Make sure only people that you personally know and want to view your information can do so. This may seem a little over-protective or over-the-top, but trust me, it is not. I've personally known people who have met someone online, gotten to "know" them for a while, and then met up with them and suffered terrible consequences (being raped and almost murdered). Don't EVER set up a meeting with someone you've met online. Even if you can read all the personal information and see pictures and chat on a webcam with someone so that you THINK you know who they really are, they can still be faking you out. I know of a high school girl who thought she was chatting with a boy her age from her high school and it ended up being the parent of someone in her neighborhood. You just never know who people really are on the internet. YOU NEVER KNOW EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW!!!
- physical bullies - On the page on this blog entitled "Help!" I outlined some good places to go for help if you're being victimized by a bully. Don't put up with people who are trying to intimidate you with physical threats. Get help as soon as possible before it gets worse or before threats become real. I know it can be scary to tell someone about a bully, especially since bullies often threaten you even further if you dare to tell someone, but the only way you're going to get a serious bully to stop is to make sure someone knows about it and can do something to stop it.
- physical peer pressure - School years are often when kids start wanting more independence, start experimenting with new (sometimes dangerous) things, rebelling against their parents and other authority figures, etc., and oftentimes they don't want to do these things alone. Getting someone to do something dangerous or questionable with you, though, can be hard, so some kids resort to threatening or pressuring other kids to try something with them, whether it be drugs, alcohol, using fake ID's to get into adult-only venues, trespassing, vandalizing someone else's property, stealing a parent's or sibling's or some other person's car, going joy riding, sex, etc. My advice would be that as much as you may want to show your parents that you are your own person and as much as you may want to show them that you'll do whatever you want to do no matter what they say, you should stay away from these kinds of activities. Not only are most of these kinds of activities illegal and can get you into serious trouble with the police and/or other authority figures, but they can also have serious consequences for yourself AND others. You might get into a car accident and end up injuring (or killing) yourself and someone else. You might cause serious damage to someone else's property and end up owing them a lot of money. You may end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and, even if you weren't involved in any illegal activities, you may not be able to show that you didn't do anything and get blamed anyway. There are just so many possibilities when it comes to giving in to peer pressure. Just stay away from it, and as mentioned before, if you feel like you can't handle the pressure on your own, enlist the help of friends, trusted adults, or others to help you say no and get those who are pressuring you to leave you alone.
- physical predators - Online predators aren't the only ones to worry about. It may sound paranoid, but you should always try to be aware of your surroundings, especially if you're somewhere alone, somewhere that's not very public, etc. Even places like big, public parking lots can be dangerous. Just picture this, you're in the parking lot of a large mass retail store, like Wal Mart or a mall or Costco, etc. There are tons of cars around but not many people because most of them are in the store or heading into the store. You are parked far away. This can be (and has been) used as the perfect set up for people with bad intentions. Predators sometimes look for people who are shopping alone and are parked far enough away in a parking lot that no one will notice if they get taken. They might hide under your car or a car close to yours and then grab you from underneath. They may be hiding inside a van parked next to your car just waiting to jump out and grab you. It is especially dangerous to shop by yourself at night. So, try to always take someone else with you. Always have your keys out and ready to stab at someone if you have to or open your car as soon as you get to it - you don't want to be stuck fiddling around in your purse for your keys. Carry some portable mace if you can. And always be aware of what's around you. Look for shadows underneath cars. Be aware of suspicious looking people. And if someone approaches you in a parking lot and asks you to help them because they're stuck or their car died, etc., don't help them by yourself. Offer to go get some more help and then run back into the store to find some.
Also, don't go into dark alleys or areas where there are hardly any people around. Don't follow a
stranger anywhere. Don't pick up hitch hikers or pull over for a stranded car when you're alone (or
even if you and another girlfriend are together - instead, call the police and let them know about
the person stranded on the side of the road). Just be safe. ALWAYS lock you car doors and the
doors to your house. If a stranger approaches you at school or on the street, don't go right over and
speak with them. Bring someone with you or offer to call someone to get help.
People to get help from - school counselors, teachers, principal, others, parents, parents of our friends, friends, religious leaders, other trusted adults, support groups, pyschologists, police, neighbors
Places to look for help - school resources, churches, community organizations, help hotlines, help websites, summer camps, police stations, shelters, public places, libraries, homes of friends
Other things to do - some other things that might help are to read self-help books and articles from magazines that are specific to your issue, watch tv shows (like talk shows, etc) that talk specifically about what you're dealing with, search online for helpful websites and/or tips about dealing with what you are going through.
Be in control. Be aware.
No matter what, if you feel like you are being victimized by someone or feel like you are in danger of being a victim, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Do everything you can before things go too far and something scary, life changing (in a bad way), and/or life threatening happens to you. Be proactive with your life and with what is happening to you and don't let anyone else control you EXCEPT YOU!!!
