One of the worst days of elementary school for me was when I got the nickname "Heather Toe." Looking back on it now, it's not a big deal at all and it's actually kind of funny to me, but back then, it was embarrassing and all of the kids in class laughed at me. The funny thing is, the nickname didn't stick. No one at school ever called me that again (although my older sister thought it was funny and cute and so still calls me Heather Toe to this day - as well as a few other embarrassing things that I will keep between her and me), but it stuck in my mind and it was the beginning of me looking at myself as different than all of the other kids. It happened like this:
It was third grade. My teacher had us pass our papers to someone else in the room to grade. After we finished grading, she had us read aloud the name of the person's paper that we graded AND tell her what their grade was. I think it's illegal to do that nowadays, but back then, in the dark ages, I guess it was ok. ? Anyway, I guess the way I wrote my name was a little confusing to the boy who graded my paper (I wrote "Heather" and then a "T" with a big circle next to it for a period), because when it was his turn to declare whose paper he had graded, he said, "Um....Heather.....T...Toe?" Everyone in the class laughed, including the teacher. Some of the kids in class already called me "Heather Feather," which back then I thought was so mean. I could feel my cheeks getting red with embarrassment. I sunk down in my seat as low as I could and put my head down on my desk. I couldn't bear to hear the kids laughing and, in my mind, I imagined them all looking at me, pointing, and repeating "Heather Toe, Heather Toe" over and over.
How I could have handled that situation differently?
It was third grade. My teacher had us pass our papers to someone else in the room to grade. After we finished grading, she had us read aloud the name of the person's paper that we graded AND tell her what their grade was. I think it's illegal to do that nowadays, but back then, in the dark ages, I guess it was ok. ? Anyway, I guess the way I wrote my name was a little confusing to the boy who graded my paper (I wrote "Heather" and then a "T" with a big circle next to it for a period), because when it was his turn to declare whose paper he had graded, he said, "Um....Heather.....T...Toe?" Everyone in the class laughed, including the teacher. Some of the kids in class already called me "Heather Feather," which back then I thought was so mean. I could feel my cheeks getting red with embarrassment. I sunk down in my seat as low as I could and put my head down on my desk. I couldn't bear to hear the kids laughing and, in my mind, I imagined them all looking at me, pointing, and repeating "Heather Toe, Heather Toe" over and over.
How I could have handled that situation differently?
Back then, even a silly little name like "Heather Toe" or "Heather Feather" hurt my feelings. I know some of you out there probably have heard much more damaging words attached to your names. Kids can come up with some of the meanest nicknames! When I had my third boy, I really wanted to name him "Tucker" but my husband wouldn't let me. He said that kids would make fun of him and call him "Tucker F$&*er," which I hadn't even thought about! So, we chose another name! It's just sad that kids will do that to each other, don't you think?
Well, I've had quite a few more nicknames since my Heather Toe and Heather Feather days, some good ones and others not so nice! But I don't let them bother me anymore. I hope, too, that if you are going through something like this that you can find a way to not let it bother you, to rise above it. So, what could I have done differently to not let these silly names bother me?
- I could have laughed along with the class, which I think would have given them the impression that their name-calling didn't bother me at all. A lot of times, just the fact that kids can see that you're bothered by something they do or say gives them the feeling that they have some kind of power over you, which makes them feel superior to you and encourages them to do more. Don't give them that power! Keep it for yourself!
- I could have just ignored the laughing like it didn't bother me- again, you keep the power in this situation.
- I could have made up nicknames for other kids in the class and laughed at them, but that probably would have made things worse for myself. I would have made some enemies and probably would have provoked further teasing from them. I don't recommend you do something like this!
- I could have gone home and told my mom about it or talked to one of my friends or other family members that I trusted about it. Sometimes just talking things like this through with someone can really help you feel better and get some good ideas about how to deal with it.
I think one important thing we all need to realize is that we often think in our minds that situations are worse than they really are. I don't think the kids in my class were really pointing fingers at me, and I didn't hear anyone chanting "Heather Toe, Heather Toe," so I had made it worse and more embarrassing for myself than it really needed to be. At the same time, I know, and have seen, that there really are situations where some kids are made fun of, pointed at, laughed at, and called mean names. Those are serious situations and need to be addressed as soon as possible.
I think one important thing we all need to realize is that we often think in our minds that situations are worse than they really are. I don't think the kids in my class were really pointing fingers at me, and I didn't hear anyone chanting "Heather Toe, Heather Toe," so I had made it worse and more embarrassing for myself than it really needed to be. At the same time, I know, and have seen, that there really are situations where some kids are made fun of, pointed at, laughed at, and called mean names. Those are serious situations and need to be addressed as soon as possible.
Do any of you have some ideas about how you can handle a situation like this one?
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